


Difficult Patients

by Seo81



Series: Terrible patients [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Dental Surgery, Fluff, Gen, Idiots in Love, Morons, Phichit more like Phishit, Victor you moron, Yuri is their small angry son, Yuuri is done with life, Yuuri is done with your shit victor, anasthesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:56:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8693677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seo81/pseuds/Seo81
Summary: Yuuri is probably sure that as a kid, Victor was one of those little shits to babysit.
The kind that just wouldn’t go the Frick to sleep and start running and screaming and demanding sugar before dropping stone-cold to the ground in sleep. Scratch that, Yuuri knows that Victor was one of those types of little shits. Victor’s mother had posted the gritty cellphone-filmed video of when he was three shortly after Victor’s first GPF gold to keep his head up from swelling up too large.
After 24 years, It turns out, Victor has never really grown up.
“MY TONGUE! THEY TOOK MY TONGUE YUURI WE HAVE TO GO BACK! THEY TOOK MY TONGUE!”Yuuri starts, opens his mouth….. and then closes it.“YUURI! MY TONGUE!”
Yuuri isn’t quite too sure why he puts up with Victor sometimes.
Aka, the fic where Victor won't shut up about anything after getting his wisdom teeth removed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, watching people come off of anesthesia is pretty hilarious, especially with what they can say. I haven't gotten my teeth taken out yet but I want someone to film me on the car-ride back.

Difficult patients

 

Yuuri is probably sure that as a kid, Victor was one of those little shits to babysit.

 

The kind that just wouldn’t go the Frick to sleep and start running and screaming and demanding sugar before dropping stone-cold to the ground in sleep. Scratch that, Yuuri knows that Victor was one of those types of little shits. Victor’s mother had posted the gritty cellphone-filmed video of when he was three shortly after Victor’s first GPF gold to keep his head up from swelling up too large.

After 24 years, It turns out, Victor has never really grown up.

Yuuri does have a certain level of admiration for the man, but he can’t understand how his former self managed to idolize this idiot that’s currently slobbering over his hand.

The man had waited for more than two years over the recommended age limit to get wisdom teeth removed to finally extract the ingrown teeth. Not to mention the hassle of filing healthcare, finding a clinic willing to work with such a childish man and the fact that Victor needed to get a permanent visa to Japan to receive the health benefits from the local Hasetsu clinic. 

Prepping for the surgery even before the clinic also raised several challenges, largest of which was getting Victor to not eat anything for 24 hours. Even Yuuri’s mother’s temper had started to rise at the incessant whining before Victor had wizened up and exited the room to go sulk at the ice-rink. (Yuuri was shoved along to go with Victor to make sure he didn’t sneak anything that could potentially ruin the surgery the next day and caught Yuuko almost giving Victor half a meat bun.)

All in all, it was worth it to see the man drugged to the gills and grunting random curses and nonsense to the world.

“Yuuri. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuri. Yur such a arsehole. Get it?”

Sighing as Victor repeats his joke for the fifth time, he looks around apprehensively incase one of the triplets had escaped from the room they were shut into. They had purposefully scheduled on a day that the triplets had school in order to avoid any embarrassing (but hilarious) videos posted on instagram.

“Yuuuuuur so preetty tho. A pretty arsehole. Huhuhuhe.”

Yuuri isn’t quite too sure why he puts up with Victor sometimes.

“Victor, open your mouth, no wait, open your mouth! Victor! Stop!”

The piece of gauze that he had been attempting to stuff in Victor’s mouth around the stitches suddenly touches the open wound, and Victor howls.

“Nonononononono! Nouuuuuuuuuu!”

The gauze pops back out onto his hand, sticky with a combination of spit and blood. Yuuri twitches and tosses it into a trash can nearby before grabbing another ball of gauze and trying to stop Victor’s thrashing. Suddenly, something seems to snap in Victor, and he’s yelling in gruff Russian before switching to accented English.

“Put it in my moooooouuuuuth! Puuuuuut in mahhh mouuuuuuth!”

“I’m trying to! Just stop moving!”

Yuuri gets the piece of gauze in by first shoving it in Victor’s mouth and gently prodding it into place, Avoiding Victor’s half coherent snaps of teeth and shaking his hand out when a slobbery tooth scrapes his finger. He then looks in disbelief as Victor starts barking. Not a big doberman bark, but a tiny chihuahua’s yips of agitation.

Yuuri side-eyes Victor before grabbing the ice-pack in Victor’s hand and stuffing it to Victor’s face.

Victor lets out a ‘woomph’ of relief, and Yuuri nearly cries in relief at Victor’s pause in activity.

….And then the snapping starts again, quick clacks of his upper and lower teeth together that are sure to agitate the wound.

“Stop it! Stop it Victor! Keep your mouth open!”

The barking starts again and Yuuri pokes Victor’s cheek to get him to stop biting his teeth. Victor finally complies but starts to make an obnoxious droning noise, somewhat like that of a zombie. Just for the heck of it, Yuuri repeatedly pulls at the flap of Victor’s cheek and lets it jiggle slightly, smiling in exasperation when he lets loose a muffled whooping sound through the paper.

Yuuri is about to sit down and take a well deserved rest before he hears sniffeling.

 

Shit.

 

Viktor’s crying.

 

“Victor, why are you crying”

“I didn’t get to say…”

Great heaving breaths.

Even bigger breaths.

“What?”, Yuri manages to get out in between the panicked fluttering of his hands around Victor’s back in an attempt to get the man to sit upright.

The breathing stutters, chest shaking violently before alarmingly stilling.

“I didn’t get too say gooodbyyyyy-yyyyyyy-yyyye”

Victor is wailing by now, full blown ugly-crying that makes his shoulders shake and his eyes scrunch up and Yuuri’s nerves escalate even higher than normal.

“What? Victor, calm down, please stop crying-.”

“It was myyy tooooth, and I didn’t get to say goodbyyyye to iiiit.”

Yuuri has no idea what to say, it’s already 12 am in Russia and he has no intention of dealing with a grumpy Yurio or leaking the news to an excitable Phichit. He’s freaking done by this point. He comes up with a passable sounding answer and intends to say it and-.

Victor is making a sound like a tea-kettle whistle now. 

It’s strangely adorable but mostly scratching up the frazzled remains of his nerves and crunching them into a flat Russian Blinchiki.

“Ok! Ok! We can head to the clinic tomorrow and say goodbye to your tooth!”

The tea-kettle noise continues, and raises and lowers pitch in increments with his breathing.

“I want to say goodbye to my-to my tooooooth! I didn’t even get them a proper funeraaaaaallllllll!”

The tea-kettle noise start to blend into the ugly-cry/dying orca sound and Victor is wailing. Again.

“I have to- I have to bury them with a little thingie!”, Victor pauses and makes a distressed sound, ‘What weeere the little thingies called? The ones that…”.

Victor makes a gesture that Yuuri doesn’t know the meaning of and starts to wordlessly tea-kettle wail again. The sobbing starts in great heaves and Victor covers his eyes, moaning.

Yuuri has no idea what to do at this point. He was pretty sure that a Victor doped up on anesthesia would be easier to handle than a drunk Victor, but it’s the farthest thing from the truth at this point.

A bit of slobber dribbles down from Victor’s chin, and by now, Yuuri has completely given up on keeping Victor relatively spit free, especially after the last time a bloody, spit-filled tissue wad was thrown at his face. Victor finally notices the slobber when he drags his hands up and down his face and through his hair, covering the whole of his head in a shiny sheen of saliva.

He becomes quiet, hands stilling and breath shallowing, eyes slightly brighter as if the haze of anesthesia is wearing off…

Then he starts hyperventilating.

There are half garbled sounds coming from his mouth and the most Yuuri can do at this point make sure that Victor isn’t hunched over and that his airways are clear.

“MY TONGUE! THEY TOOK MY TONGUE YUURI WE HAVE TO GO BACK! THEY TOOK MY TONGUE!”

Yuuri starts, opens his mouth….. and then closes it.

“YUURI! MY TONGUE!”

Victor is screeching wordlessly, long graceful fingers scrabbling at the wiggling pink appendage in his mouth and making half garbled noises in his effort not to choke on the ample drool around his mouth.

He’s torn between whether to laugh or sigh at the sheer ridiculousness. He ends up trying (and failing) to keep a straight face while addressing his coach. He ends up with a half pained grimace. He grabs both of Victor’s saliva-covered hands and attempts to stop their thrashing before using brute force to shove them to the figure skater’s chest. He waits until Victor’s eyes snap out of their panic riddled fog before staring at him in the eye.

“Victor. VICTOR. Your tongue is still there. CALM DOWN.”

 

It works. For less than a quarter of a second.

He gets a facefull of spittle as Victor flails again, wailing about how the orthodontist still had his tongue.

“They took my TONGUE! YURI! HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS-THEY TOOK MY TOOOONGUE!”

“But how are you talking if you have no tongue?”

Victor pauses, seemingly thinking about this before breaking into hysterical sobs

“I DONT KNOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!”

Victor is now in a full breakdown heartbroken-heaving-sob mode now, and Yuuri just doesn’t know what to do. 

There’s the sound of a quiet photo shutter closing and two hushed voices scolding a third apologetic one..

 

Yuuri pinches the bridge of his nose. He’ll have to talk to Yuuko about the meaning of leniency. Preferably soon.

 

He just hopes Phichit doesn’t catch wind of this, but knowing his friend, it will be all over instagram by noon.

 

Victor wails loudly again, and Yuuri can only sigh.

 

Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Well then. there will be a series of almost all of the skaters accumulating (non life-threatening) injuries that will mostly just be funny little dalliances into how the others would react. This particular fic will be a three part fic, the second chapter will revolve around post oral-surgery squishy/soft food while the third will be about Yuuri's past wisdom teeth extraction video blackmail.


End file.
